placeheld | bodyguard shipping meme >> for @heroproceeding

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bodyguard shipping meme >> for @heroproceeding

It's been a surprisingly fun few weeks in Midgar, but today it's coming to an end. Artemis lounges around in bed as long as possible, nursing a hangover because apparently people just do that here, but eventually someone in a dark suit shows up to collect him with a distinctly unimpressed air.

That makes two of us, Artemis thinks, and ignores the guy as he wanders around his suite packing up. It's another hour - nearly noon - by the time he's finished trying to shove a lot of shopping he'd done in the city into the already overstuffed bags he'd come with. By the time Artemis is sliding his oversized sunglasses protectively over his eyes there are more than a few cracks in the suit's professional demeanor. A few more appear as Artemis hands him two suitcases and a backpack. Should have sent a bellboy instead of a jailer. Artemis, Turk, four suitcases and three backpacks make their way to the elevators in mutually annoyed silence.

It only lasts far enough for Artemis to jam the button to take them to the parking garage where they'll be departing from, unfortunately.

"President Shinra sends his apologies for not sending you off in person."

"I'm sure he does." Artemis really couldn't care less.

"He wishes you a safe journey back," the Turk continues, ignoring the interjection. "and hopes that you'll give his regards to President Hart."

"I'm sure I will." Artemis absolutely won't. He's seen exactly what ShinRa wanted him to see here, and he'll pass that on if he has to. The way ShinRa's building a super-soldier army is pretty concerning, or would be if Artemis actually cared about CITIE at all these days. Or anything.

He wants a drink. Or breakfast.

He doesn't get either of those. What he does get is one of ShinRa's little human experiments waiting on him by the car. An important one, too. Artemis had seen the man running drills for a group of them, clearly in charge, clearly at ease just a few days ago. Not the butcher, not Sephiroth, but... What had it been?

"Fair," says the Turk. Artemis snaps his fingers and points.

"Zack, right?

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Zack looks about as impressed with that comment as Artemis, himself, had appeared with the car they're taking. Inspiration, huh. That sure is a bit much for inspiration. Not that that thought lasts long either.

Not with the way-

"Hey, wait just a minute."

Zack hurries over to the driver's side despite the way he's still being glared at to knock it off. Again, he ignores the Turk although he just manages to stop himself from tearing open the door.

"Part of being an escort includes driving. Ambushes are a thing, you know?"

"Darling," Artemis drags that out like an insult to Zack's intelligence, parentage, or both as he looks Zack up and down. "If we're ambushed, I want the man with the giant sword to have both hands free for swinging it."

Artemis looks around Zack at the Turk and raises both eyebrows in a bid for support. Despite the glaring at Zack's head, though, it seems that Mr. Spook is staying well out of it. Boo.

"Are you worried I can't drive? I promise I've got a license." Not so much a clean driving record, but Zack doesn't need to know that until Artemis gets his hands on the keys.

The drawled out pet name gets what Artemis was hoping for- even if he wasn't. If looks could kill...

Well. It's a good thing they can't.

Being out of a job would be the least of Zack's problems. He clenches his fists. Releases them slowly and scoffs off to the side.

"It won't matter if you get us both killed anyway. Have you ever had to make a getaway?"

No amount of backhanded compliments will steer him from that point at least. That's about when he hears his phone go off and thanklessly pulls his PHS out to take a call, stepping off and still looking heated. Even more so when he sees the other Turk giving him a pointed look. Of course, they'd report to Tseng...

[ Artemis meets that glare with cool amusement, but inside it has him feeling twitchy. Pissing off the guy might be a really bad idea, or it might help keep him off balance. It depended on how distractible he was, and how likely he was to punch Artemis in the face once they were out of sight of the city.

Well. All the more reason to be the one in charge of driving for as long as he can.

He holds that gaze with his hands tightening slightly around the wheel until the phone rings, and then he can't help himself. He snorts ungracefully and relaxes back into the seat to watch this go down. ]

[ It takes some mildly not amused and eye roll worthy conversation before Zack finally gets off the short, berating phone call. He still wishes he could snap the damn thing closed harder than he actually can. He's also pretty sure if he tried any harder, he would break it.

Deep breath, Fair. Don't let this guy get under your skin again if you can help it.

Letting out a sigh, Zack pivots. Sidesteps the driver's side despite how easy it would be to just grab him by the back of his coat like the rough of a kitten and drop him on the ground. Instead, he climbs in the passenger side, slamming like the car door and making the whole damn thing shake as a loud warning. ]

Don't make me regret this.

[ Artemis' faint smile hasn't actually changed at all, but it's somehow radiating even more smugness as Zack climbs into the passenger seat. The expression flickers somewhat at the door slam that reinforces exactly how much physical danger Artemis could be in, here, but he hopes that the guy's more worried about his job than punching Artemis' face in.

He holds his palm out for the keys and wiggles his fingers to urge Zack to hurry up. ]

You won't.

[ It's the smugness that ultimately has Zack pausing. And where he'd been in the middle of reaching for said keys in his pocket, now he's giving him a narrow glare. He slaps those keys in that palm. But rather than leave it at that, he's got his hand now gripping Artemis' own tight. ]

I mean it. Don't play any stupid games with me. This isn't some joy ride and you and me both know it.

[ Tseng can fuck off in that moment if he thinks he's going to play nice with this guy just for formality's sake. ]

[ There's a long moment where Artemis just freezes. That hurts, and back in his own city no one would dare without explicit orders from his father. This isn't home.

He takes a deep breath and leans forward, over their clasped hands and right into Zack's face so that his soft voice is heard and heard clearly. ]

Then listen to this, because it isn't a game. I'm worth ten of you, however much they spent, and if you put your hands on me again I am going to make damn sure you get sent back to wherever you came from and I get a nice joyride with the hot redheaded one. Clear?

[ Zack stares at Artemis with a hint of vague surprise. But the more he speaks, the more his own stubborn determination seems to set back in his own gaze. In the end, it's that last bit that finally breaks off the serious look.

Finally because Zack sputters out a laugh. ] Really? Genesis? Boy, oh boy. I guess I should'a figured you'd be in his fan club.

[ He finally lets go, snorting out another laugh and shaking his head. ] You're outta luck any way you look at it. He's already spoken for.

[ Artemis snatches his hand back as soon as it's free, trying to shake it out without looking like he's shaking it out, and leans back in his own seat as he shoves the keys in the ignition and cranks the car. He's not sure what to make of the mood swing, but he's not going to question it, he decides.

It's easier that way.

He breathes for a moment and lets go of the anger - and the fear that was underlaying it - as he pulls smoothly out of the spot and begins the circle out of the garage. ]

Never stopped me before.

[ Zack sits back and folds his arms with a snort now that he's at least mostly resolved himself to the passenger seat for the moment. So, he might have to footnote a few lessons from Angeal here- run them through his head again as reminders. But it works. For now anyway.

Sure doesn't stop him from running his mouth again. ] Despite what the clubs like to say, the only thing Genesis has any interest in is LOVELESS. So, you're out of luck on that one, buddy.

Oof. Pretty, but terrible taste.

[ Way to ruin the mystique, Zack. Artemis makes a face, though he doesn't look away from what he's doing long enough to make it at Zack. It's not as if he'd been attached to the idea anyway - the threat was mostly empty, though everything about this would be easier if he were stuck with someone who didn't hate him on sight.

Oh well. He probably still has time to charm him at least a little. If he can get over his annoyance long enough. ]

So who would you suggest as your replacement, then?

Well, Sephiroth's the fan favorite. Maybe you should just get him to take you.

[ Never mind the way he's as stoic as they come and small talk's the least of his concern. The image of Sephiroth staring out the front window the entire time with his arms folded might have just been enough to betray Zack's otherwise neutral expression with the way his lips start to curl in amusement. ]

[ Artemis' smile comes a lot easier, but there's something of a tense edge to it as he pulls out onto the street. ]

Mm, driving into a semi-hostile foreign country with the butcher of Wutai on shotgun. Excellent plan.

[ He's not actually supposed to acknowledge the semi-hostile part. He'd been briefed extensively not to, even, and his poor diplomacy tutor would probably be having a heart attack right now.

He doesn't actually care. ]

Do you think the diplomatic incident would have a body count?

[ Good thing Zack's never given much of a shit about diplomacy then. ]

Butcher? Sephiroth's the reason why half the people I know are still alive!

[ There's a sick twist in his gut though. For more than a few reasons. For retrospectively hearing all the loss of life- but they'd all chosen to fight, right? That'd been their choice. If only they'd listened and not started a fight with ShinRa in the first place. They knew how strong SOLDIER was, right? Why had a mako reactor been such a big deal? He still doesn't get it.

Zack bites his lip as he huffs out in hurried addition: ] Besides, you sure seemed fine to fuck Genesis a minute ago.

[ Artemis snorts at that, but doesn't actually argue with Zack about Sephiroth's merits. He's likely not wrong, anyway, it's just that everyone outside Shinra's borders can see things a little differently. Hopefully it won't matter to Artemis either way pretty soon. ]

It's not about who I want to fuck, it's about optics. The whole point of all of this was to make sure everyone knows our countries are nice and friendly, isn't it? Sending a war hero home with me would've been stupid.

[ He glances at Zack out of the corner of his eye as he makes a turn that isn't strictly on the GPS. ]

You're the friendly option, for some reason. Do you want donuts?

Doesn't seem so crazy when you consider how much of a fan favorite he is.

[ Zack crosses his arms. So, maybe he sounds a little bitter. Maybe he looks sorely out the window for a split second. It might have not gone on for very long in the end though. Mainly because then Artemis mentions: ] Donuts?

[ Zack balks- more out of the suddenness of the question than anything else, but his eyes are back on Artemis now. ] You sure you can be taking pit stops like this?

[ Not that he's going to complain about donuts, but... ]

[ Artemis glances at him as he sulks out of the window, amused, but he doesn't comment on the bitterness just yet. At least the guy's easy to distract, though that's not Artemis' main reason for doing it. His stomach rumbles along with the engine as he pulls into the drive-through line. ]

You know, I'm not sure.

[ He makes a show of looking around, theatrically pretending to be concerned. ]

I sure hope they don't send SOLDIER after us for unauthorized breakfast.

[ Zack gives him the driest look in the book that he can muster. He's not sure how successful he is here, but case and point remains. ]

I'm talking about your itinerary, genius. Why the hell would they send one of ours?

[ Though he supposes if they didn't get there by a certain time, ShinRa would probably dispatch someone to go looking as well. Courtesy and attempt to not shatter relations entirely.

If they weren't already shattered by then. ]

You are completely responsible for my well-being while I'm here. If I disappear completely I'd think your people would want to find me before they let anyone know I was gone.

[ He actually does consider it for a moment, but ultimately just shrugs again. ]

Anyway, my people are used to me.

Used to a pain in the ass. Got it.

[ Zack blurts it out before he can think better of it. Maybe he shouldn't have said that. Probably not. He's letting out a deep, loud sigh as he slumps forward to rest his head a moment on the dash anyway.

Maybe he should buckle himself in, but he'll do it in a moment. As it stands, he just mutters into his arms. ]

I'd rather be fighting a dragon.

And I'd still rather have the hot redheaded one, but we've been over this already.

[ Artemis really doesn't think he's as bad as fighting a dragon, but he's also not sure he cares. He pulls the car a little further up the line and orders a 18 donuts and two coffees, since Zack won't tell him if he wants them or not. ]

Are you going to complain the whole trip? Is the stick up your butt standard issue?

The stick up the ass is reserved for Sephiroth, thanks.

[ He mutters it reflexively. Pauses as he thinks on what he just said. And then just shrugs and keeps his face pressed against his arms for just a little bit longer. But he can't be staying like that and he knows it.

And for that matter, arguing further with the client probably won't do him or anyone else any favors either. It's going to be a long trip as it is. Grunting to himself, he finally flops back into his seat before he sits up and reaches around to his ass pocket. The reason why he does so becomes clear as he pulls out his wallet and pulls out a card that he hands over shortly after. ] Here.

Wow. [ Artemis accepts the card with a slightly nonplussed look, utterly unused to people handing him money. He's usually the one paying for absolutely everything because it's not as if it would make the smallest dent in his bank account.

He's not pointing that out to Captain Uptight over here, though. ] No wonder you were so defensive of him! You should have said something.

Said what?

[ Zack's got a funny look on his face as he eyes Artemis up now. At least it seems more perplexed than anything this time as he waits for the order to be paid for and the card to be returned to him. ]

How much you liked Sephiroth handling your stick.

[ Yeah, Artemis is definitely laughing at him now and not even making an attempt to hide it when when he's trying to flash a flirty smile at the girl working the drive through line. She's giving the two of them a perplexed look as she swipes the card and hands it back. ]

[ Zack just stares at him with an utterly unimpressed look. Sure, maybe a year ago, he'd be far more animated about this. Especially over Sephiroth of all people. But as it is, he ends up rolling his eyes. ]

Sure, add that to the list of other chocobo shit people like to write up for his fan club. Wouldn't be the first time someone spread a rumor like that.

[ Despite trying to keep his cool though, he's waving a hand in front of Artemis impatiently for that card now. ]

Fan clubs?

[ Artemis tosses the card back at Zack without really looking. He lands it in Zack's hand mostly by accident. ]

Please, that's amateur hour. By the time we make it home you'll be upgraded to the tabloids, promise.

[ Zack takes that card back and pockets it easily at least. Ends up leaning back in his seat and taking a deep breath, exhaling audibly as he answers. It leaves his voice airy. Almost a little bored. ]

I'd rather not be in the tabloids just cause I'm someone's escort lapdog, thanks. Heh, who knew I'd miss getting covered in malboro breath?

I promise sitting in my lap is better than fighting a malboro.

[ Artemis thinks, anyway. He's only got the vaguest idea of what a malboro is, because CITIE doesn't have half the monster problem that Shinra's territories do. He isn't sure if he's hoping they run into one, or if he's afraid of it.

He accepts the donuts and coffee from the next window and passes them over with a smile that's at least trying to be winning. ]

Though - dragons, malboros. Is that what's got you so tense? You're mad you're not out there fighting something?

[ Zack's initial answer to that ends up being a bodily jerk. He gives Artemis a look for his efforts. Not exactly a glare but he's far from impressed either. Takes that coffee and those donuts next and he might have already gone ahead and opened the box. Might have taken a big ol' bite full before he reluctantly offers one to Artemis, himself. ]

I didn' 'ign up 'or 'aby'ittin'. [ He gracelessly speaks before finally swallowing. ] And hard pass on the lap sitting. I'd rather smell like something rancid.

No accounting for taste.

[ Artemis reaches past the offered donut to grab a different kind. This is because he wants chocolate and absolutely not to be a shit on purpose.

Honest.

He pulls back into traffic and sets his sights on getting out of the city, though by this time of day the streets are backed up enough that it might take a while yet. ]

I really don't need much watching, you know, and I didn't ask for an escort. Feel free to consider this a vacation.

[ Zack stares at the way Artemis reaches past him, shrugs, and then shoves the very doughnut he offered into his own mouth. Crumbs scatter everywhere, but he decidedly ignores that. Though he does answer the latter with a deadpan glance and a long stare, ignoring his doughnut long enough to note: ] If you didn't need this much watching according to them, I wouldn't'a been sent with you in the first place.

[ And now he's shoving the rest of it in his mouth and adding with as much eloquence as before: ] an' ah'm Firs' 'lass! Firs' 'lass!

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bodyguard shipping meme >> for @heroproceeding

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JESUS CHRIST I let this sit for longer than I thought

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